17 Jul Dark sessions: Recognizing the signs and taking proactive steps
Posted
in Industry Knowledge
TW: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
In this industry, we tend to see a side of our members and fans that they rarely reveal to others. This can create a very emotional comfort over time for regulars. They talk to us, tell us things they may not feel they can share with others. This can be a very healthy outlet for them in addition to whatever naughty service they may have requested to begin with. Most of the time, this is more of a bonus for both you and the member, however, there can be occasions where this will take a much awful turn, ending up on dark sessions. I have had more than my share of situations where the person I am doing a session with slips into dangerous territory. I have seen this happen most often during (or even after) femdom, findom or other types of domination sessions. It is important to remember that these things can happen to anyone, the last thing I want is for anyone to be caught off guard by a potentially dangerous situation. With a variety of things that can go wrong in this moment, there are a few steps you can take to not only help the person on the other side but also protect yourself.
These situations may come out of nowhere, other times, it may creep up in a more obvious way. Now, I am no expert on the topic. Still, the times that I have seen this first-hand, it has been a mixture of existing issues (this is an obvious statement, but without being too specific for the sake of trigger warnings, mental health is very important, people!) combined with the intensity of the session. We have all had moments like this. It’s been a long day at work, the house is a mess, your family is running a muck in the house, and then, it happens. You drop the roast all over the floor. The chaos of the day and the high alert you are on is halted by that simple, devastating blow. Cue the tears. This is a normal thing that happens to us all from time to time in various settings. It is only different during a session gone wrong in terms of magnitude. When someone has been struggling, a particularly intense session can allow them to let off a good amount of steam; however, when that steam has turned into a full-blown fire that needs attention, there is no stopping it.
"WHEN SOMEONE HAS BEEN STRUGGLING, A PARTICULARLY INTENSE SESSION CAN ALLOW THEM TO LET OFF A GOOD AMOUNT OF STEAM; HOWEVER, WHEN THAT STEAM HAS TURNED INTO A FULL-BLOWN FIRE THAT NEEDS ATTENTION, THERE IS NO STOPPING IT."
This is where it gets dark (trigger warning!). A member may slip into a deep state of depression in the middle of the session. They may begin to feel they are truly worthless, that they do not deserve happiness and so on. They may start saying things that stray from their typical behavior or go quiet together. Everyone is different. The extreme side of this is when a member threatens to end it all (yes, this has, in fact, happened to me during a session), which is not only a terrifying moment, but you may be clueless about what to do as this is not a typical occurrence. It’s shocking, scary and emotional. There is a major difference between someone in it for the kink and someone who just realized they are screaming for help.
This is NOT your fault. You are not responsible for keeping tabs on the mental health of your members. This isn’t to say that you can not lend an ear if needed or speak to them on topics you are familiar with if you choose to, but if you are not a trained professional, then you are more limited. People often benefit from simply talking things out; again, this is not your responsibility if it’s not something you feel comfortable with. Do not feel obligated to advise someone on topics just because they are having a hard time. Unfortunately, sometimes you are limited to the tools you have at your fingertips. Enlisting the help of the platform you are working on is the first move you must make. If someone is going down the path of danger, create a report or reach out to the support team. Explain to them what is happening and give them as much information about your current interaction as possible. This will make them aware of any potential situations that could cause them any level of liability, but also they may have team members trained to handle situations like this. This is one of the reasons why it is so important to work on legitimate platforms. Let them help you, let them help your members. It is important to remember to stay calm during the event, whether or not you want to continue the session to talk with them is at your own discretion, but handling it professionally and calmly, whatever your decision, is key.
The platform may provide them with hotlines or other resources they can use. There are several ways they can provide help in a situation like this. The worst case I have ever personally been involved in was when I was presented with (trigger warning) a photo of my member with a gun to his head. I didn’t know what to do. The situation was handled by the platform I was on, the person was not a regular member of mine but had done a couple sessions prior. After the situation, they apologized and said things got out of hand, I very nicely asked them not to return to me for another session. They agreed and thought it was best they take some time for themself. I myself took a few days away from the internet altogether as I was very upset and confused. This kind of situation can happen, it more than likely will not, but it can. Awareness of the options and preparation are always helpful, even if you never need to use that knowledge. Stay safe out there!
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TW: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
In this industry, we tend to see a side of our members and fans that they rarely reveal to others. This can create a very emotional comfort over time for regulars. They talk to us, tell us things they may not feel they can share with others. This can be a very healthy outlet for them in addition to whatever naughty service they may have requested to begin with. Most of the time, this is more of a bonus for both you and the member, however, there can be occasions where this will take a much awful turn, ending up on dark sessions. I have had more than my share of situations where the person I am doing a session with slips into dangerous territory. I have seen this happen most often during (or even after) femdom, findom or other types of domination sessions. It is important to remember that these things can happen to anyone, the last thing I want is for anyone to be caught off guard by a potentially dangerous situation. With a variety of things that can go wrong in this moment, there are a few steps you can take to not only help the person on the other side but also protect yourself.
These situations may come out of nowhere, other times, it may creep up in a more obvious way. Now, I am no expert on the topic. Still, the times that I have seen this first-hand, it has been a mixture of existing issues (this is an obvious statement, but without being too specific for the sake of trigger warnings, mental health is very important, people!) combined with the intensity of the session. We have all had moments like this. It’s been a long day at work, the house is a mess, your family is running a muck in the house, and then, it happens. You drop the roast all over the floor. The chaos of the day and the high alert you are on is halted by that simple, devastating blow. Cue the tears. This is a normal thing that happens to us all from time to time in various settings. It is only different during a session gone wrong in terms of magnitude. When someone has been struggling, a particularly intense session can allow them to let off a good amount of steam; however, when that steam has turned into a full-blown fire that needs attention, there is no stopping it.
"WHEN SOMEONE HAS BEEN STRUGGLING, A PARTICULARLY INTENSE SESSION CAN ALLOW THEM TO LET OFF A GOOD AMOUNT OF STEAM; HOWEVER, WHEN THAT STEAM HAS TURNED INTO A FULL-BLOWN FIRE THAT NEEDS ATTENTION, THERE IS NO STOPPING IT."
This is where it gets dark (trigger warning!). A member may slip into a deep state of depression in the middle of the session. They may begin to feel they are truly worthless, that they do not deserve happiness and so on. They may start saying things that stray from their typical behavior or go quiet together. Everyone is different. The extreme side of this is when a member threatens to end it all (yes, this has, in fact, happened to me during a session), which is not only a terrifying moment, but you may be clueless about what to do as this is not a typical occurrence. It’s shocking, scary and emotional. There is a major difference between someone in it for the kink and someone who just realized they are screaming for help.
This is NOT your fault. You are not responsible for keeping tabs on the mental health of your members. This isn’t to say that you can not lend an ear if needed or speak to them on topics you are familiar with if you choose to, but if you are not a trained professional, then you are more limited. People often benefit from simply talking things out; again, this is not your responsibility if it’s not something you feel comfortable with. Do not feel obligated to advise someone on topics just because they are having a hard time. Unfortunately, sometimes you are limited to the tools you have at your fingertips. Enlisting the help of the platform you are working on is the first move you must make. If someone is going down the path of danger, create a report or reach out to the support team. Explain to them what is happening and give them as much information about your current interaction as possible. This will make them aware of any potential situations that could cause them any level of liability, but also they may have team members trained to handle situations like this. This is one of the reasons why it is so important to work on legitimate platforms. Let them help you, let them help your members. It is important to remember to stay calm during the event, whether or not you want to continue the session to talk with them is at your own discretion, but handling it professionally and calmly, whatever your decision, is key.
The platform may provide them with hotlines or other resources they can use. There are several ways they can provide help in a situation like this. The worst case I have ever personally been involved in was when I was presented with (trigger warning) a photo of my member with a gun to his head. I didn’t know what to do. The situation was handled by the platform I was on, the person was not a regular member of mine but had done a couple sessions prior. After the situation, they apologized and said things got out of hand, I very nicely asked them not to return to me for another session. They agreed and thought it was best they take some time for themself. I myself took a few days away from the internet altogether as I was very upset and confused. This kind of situation can happen, it more than likely will not, but it can. Awareness of the options and preparation are always helpful, even if you never need to use that knowledge. Stay safe out there!
