20 Oct Psychology of Kink – Are You Kinky?
Posted
in Marketing Yourself
“Are you kinky?” is almost the mainstay question when talking to prospective sexual partners. In dating profiles and social media accounts, people will declare that they are kinky and “not into that vanilla stuff.” But is it a clear-cut dichotomy that we have been led to believe exists between the two? In this post, I will talk about the distinctions between “kinky” and “vanilla” sex, including the data researchers have about people who are into “kinky” sexual practices. We will then move on to discussing if kink is an interest, an identity, an orientation, or a hobby, and finish up with looking at the sexual experiences we are geared towards, and if these are driven by our social or cultural environment, or maybe something else more hardwired.
KINKY PEOPLE
Conventional sexual practices, or those that are “vanilla,” are considered loving touch, romantic talk, kissing, vaginal penetration, masturbation, and oral sex. Sexual practices that fall under the “kinky” umbrella include BDSM, fantasy and role playing, fetishes, voyeurism or exhibitionism, and group sex. Kink is a broad term that refers to a wide variety of consensual, non-traditional sexual, sensua,l and intimate behaviours. Fetish, on the other hand, is a more narrow term that describes people with an erotic or intimate interest in specific non-genital body parts, fabrics, smells, fluids, costumes, and other non-human objects.
It is not strictly correct to say that there are normal sexual behaviours versus those that are abnormal. Everyone’s sexuality is as distinct and personal as their fingerprint. Those behaviours that may be considered abnormal are more common than you may think; in the 2015 Sexual Exploration in American Study, more than 22% of sexually active adults engage in role-playing, and 20% have engaged in being tied up and spanking. Another survey found that nearly half of the 1040 participants were interested in kink but had not had the opportunity to explore it.
So, what can be said psychologically about those people who have explored kinky sexual practices? The Big 5 Personality Trait theory is accepted by modern psychologists as the building blocks of personality, which is divided into the domains of openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. In line with the Big 5 theory, people who engage in kinky sexual behaviours have been found to be less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rejection sensitive, and report higher subjective wellbeing. This research indicates that the average person who engages in consensual kink behaviours has above-average psychological health.
IS KINK AN INTEREST, AN IDENTITY, AN ORIENTATION, OR A HOBBY? OR SOMETHING ELSE?
Evidence suggests that kink overlaps with a lot of the characteristics of the concept of leisure, in that it results in positive emotions, a sense of freedom, provides pleasure and enjoyment, is a form of self-expression, and has intrinsic motivation (which means the activity is enjoyed for itself). In one study of people who identified as kinky, these general properties of leisure were overwhelmingly endorsed by participants, being present most or nearly always by 90% or more of the total participants.
Science has yet to reach a consensus on the nature and development of kinky behaviours in the individual. It is unclear if it is best understood as a sexual behaviour, sexual attraction, sexual identity, and/or sexual orientation for those who partake in it. If we view it through a sex positive lens, it may be best understood as another form of sexual orientation for a percentage of those who engage in it. It is often so fundamental to our sexual identities that it must be, at least in some cases, an orientation; this orientation towards practices which are considered non-conventional is so deeply rooted that many feel that they were born with it.
As you can see, nothing is clear cut! Sexual orientation and leisure views of kink are not mutually exclusive; for some, it may be viewed as a leisure activity, but more of an orientation for others.
SEXUAL SOFTWARE VS BIOLOGICAL HARDWARE
The fact is that most of the choices we make around sexual behaviours and things we enjoy are independent of what we have been taught to favour by significant figures in our lives and cultural environments. The inclinations that we have towards sexuality and sexual experience appear to have instinctual and genetic causes, as well as being rooted in early (generally unwilled) life experiences. Unwilled life experiences are those that were not pursued consciously by us, but those that presented themselves at a place and time when we were sensitive to them (more on this in a future post!).
These preferences tend to be highly resistant to change, if they can be changed at all. Some things are instinctively arousing (known as cued interests). Even if society urges us to participate in a sexual practice during our formative years, this does not necessarily determine adult desires. Uncued or unwilled interests are much more variable than cued interests since just about anything can become an uncued interest if it presents itself in the right circumstance. Think about foot fetish or shoe fetish, which can seem very strange to some people, but if you understand it as an uncued interest that was presented to a person at a very specific point in their sexual development, then it makes perfect sense.
As you can see in this introduction to the psychology of kink, things are a lot more complex than they appear! People’s interest in sexual practices that seem unconventional can be traced back to several different factors, but they also indicate interesting and positive things about their personality traits. Kink can be viewed as a hobby or leisure activity or even an orientation, but the foundation of the interest is that it is highly resistant to change, and if it involves consenting adults, why should we be worried about changing it anyway?
Rem Sequence is an Australian adult content creator, blogger, and internationally published alt model. She has a background in psychology, philosophy and political science and worked in health and sex education, youth work and trauma counselling for almost two decades. Now, she works full time in the adult industry, as well as indulging her passion for arts, writing and music in numerous side projects.
“Are you kinky?” is almost the mainstay question when talking to prospective sexual partners. In dating profiles and social media accounts, people will declare that they are kinky and “not into that vanilla stuff.” But is it a clear-cut dichotomy that we have been led to believe exists between the two? In this post, I will talk about the distinctions between “kinky” and “vanilla” sex, including the data researchers have about people who are into “kinky” sexual practices. We will then move on to discussing if kink is an interest, an identity, an orientation, or a hobby, and finish up with looking at the sexual experiences we are geared towards, and if these are driven by our social or cultural environment, or maybe something else more hardwired.
KINKY PEOPLE
Conventional sexual practices, or those that are “vanilla,” are considered loving touch, romantic talk, kissing, vaginal penetration, masturbation, and oral sex. Sexual practices that fall under the “kinky” umbrella include BDSM, fantasy and role playing, fetishes, voyeurism or exhibitionism, and group sex. Kink is a broad term that refers to a wide variety of consensual, non-traditional sexual, sensua,l and intimate behaviours. Fetish, on the other hand, is a more narrow term that describes people with an erotic or intimate interest in specific non-genital body parts, fabrics, smells, fluids, costumes, and other non-human objects.
It is not strictly correct to say that there are normal sexual behaviours versus those that are abnormal. Everyone’s sexuality is as distinct and personal as their fingerprint. Those behaviours that may be considered abnormal are more common than you may think; in the 2015 Sexual Exploration in American Study, more than 22% of sexually active adults engage in role-playing, and 20% have engaged in being tied up and spanking. Another survey found that nearly half of the 1040 participants were interested in kink but had not had the opportunity to explore it.
So, what can be said psychologically about those people who have explored kinky sexual practices? The Big 5 Personality Trait theory is accepted by modern psychologists as the building blocks of personality, which is divided into the domains of openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. In line with the Big 5 theory, people who engage in kinky sexual behaviours have been found to be less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, less rejection sensitive, and report higher subjective wellbeing. This research indicates that the average person who engages in consensual kink behaviours has above-average psychological health.
IS KINK AN INTEREST, AN IDENTITY, AN ORIENTATION, OR A HOBBY? OR SOMETHING ELSE?
Evidence suggests that kink overlaps with a lot of the characteristics of the concept of leisure, in that it results in positive emotions, a sense of freedom, provides pleasure and enjoyment, is a form of self-expression, and has intrinsic motivation (which means the activity is enjoyed for itself). In one study of people who identified as kinky, these general properties of leisure were overwhelmingly endorsed by participants, being present most or nearly always by 90% or more of the total participants.
Science has yet to reach a consensus on the nature and development of kinky behaviours in the individual. It is unclear if it is best understood as a sexual behaviour, sexual attraction, sexual identity, and/or sexual orientation for those who partake in it. If we view it through a sex positive lens, it may be best understood as another form of sexual orientation for a percentage of those who engage in it. It is often so fundamental to our sexual identities that it must be, at least in some cases, an orientation; this orientation towards practices which are considered non-conventional is so deeply rooted that many feel that they were born with it.
As you can see, nothing is clear cut! Sexual orientation and leisure views of kink are not mutually exclusive; for some, it may be viewed as a leisure activity, but more of an orientation for others.
SEXUAL SOFTWARE VS BIOLOGICAL HARDWARE
The fact is that most of the choices we make around sexual behaviours and things we enjoy are independent of what we have been taught to favour by significant figures in our lives and cultural environments. The inclinations that we have towards sexuality and sexual experience appear to have instinctual and genetic causes, as well as being rooted in early (generally unwilled) life experiences. Unwilled life experiences are those that were not pursued consciously by us, but those that presented themselves at a place and time when we were sensitive to them (more on this in a future post!).
These preferences tend to be highly resistant to change, if they can be changed at all. Some things are instinctively arousing (known as cued interests). Even if society urges us to participate in a sexual practice during our formative years, this does not necessarily determine adult desires. Uncued or unwilled interests are much more variable than cued interests since just about anything can become an uncued interest if it presents itself in the right circumstance. Think about foot fetish or shoe fetish, which can seem very strange to some people, but if you understand it as an uncued interest that was presented to a person at a very specific point in their sexual development, then it makes perfect sense.
As you can see in this introduction to the psychology of kink, things are a lot more complex than they appear! People’s interest in sexual practices that seem unconventional can be traced back to several different factors, but they also indicate interesting and positive things about their personality traits. Kink can be viewed as a hobby or leisure activity or even an orientation, but the foundation of the interest is that it is highly resistant to change, and if it involves consenting adults, why should we be worried about changing it anyway?
Rem Sequence is an Australian adult content creator, blogger, and internationally published alt model. She has a background in psychology, philosophy and political science and worked in health and sex education, youth work and trauma counselling for almost two decades. Now, she works full time in the adult industry, as well as indulging her passion for arts, writing and music in numerous side projects.
