08 Dec Psychology of Kink – Kinky Identities
Posted
in Marketing Yourself
In the first piece of this series on the psychology of kink, I talked about how kink can be viewed as an interest, a hobby, a sexual orientation, or an identity. Science has yet to reach a consensus on the nature and development of kink, so there continues to be vigorous discussion on the topic. It has characteristics that overlap with the concepts of leisure or hobbies, but it also overlaps with those of sexual orientation and identity. In this piece, I will talk about kink as an identity, including how such identities develop and what happens when we stigmatize and pathologize kinks and those who practice them.
WHAT IS A KINKY IDENTITY AND HOW DOES IT DEVELOP
As kink is an area with lots of discussion and research from a range of different academic disciplines, it is unsurprising that research psychologists have also dedicated a great deal of energy towards it. Before we continue, it is important to note that there still is no consensus on what is normal, abnormal, or deviant sexual behaviour. These judgements are usually based more so on what is socially and morally accepted, as opposed to what scientific research suggests. A modern sex positive view is that people who practice kink do so as part of their identity. Attraction to certain sexual experiences is part of a complex interplay of cued (things that are instinctively arousing) and uncued (things that appear at a developmentally sensitive period) interests. The uncued interests are interesting in the case of kink, as anything can become an uncued interest if it presents itself in the right circumstance. From research, we know that even if society urges us to participate in a sexual practice during our formative years, this does not necessarily determine adult desires. Our authentic desires and preferences are independent of what we have been taught to favour, and they are very difficult to change, if they can be changed at all. Even if people do not engage in their kinky desires or if they hide them, this does not mean they go away. The pleasure that people find in them is hardwired.
So how does a person who is drawn to kinky sexual practices develop? A Five Stage Model has been suggested by researchers in the field:
- Early encounters – these usually take place before the person reaches the age of 10, and it is where they experience an attraction or fascination with a kink or fetish interest.
- Exploration with self – this usually takes place between the ages of 5 and 14 years.
- Evaluation – between the ages of 11 and 14 years, kinky people evaluate what their interests mean for their identities and lives.
- Finding others – occurs after the age of 11 years.
- Exploration with others – this typically occurs after the age of 18, and for many kinky people, they only really begin to feel kinky and connect with their interests after being engaged in them with another person.
The Five Stage Model, in particular stage 1, reflects other research findings which suggest there are sensitive periods in people’s lives when they are particularly receptive to things in their environment. These periods can also influence learning, sensory, and motor skills, and social skills.
PATHOLOGIZATION OF KINKY INTERESTS
In the Five Stage Model suggested for how kinky people develop their identity in relation to their interests, there is a period of evaluation, where stigma and worry about interests which may be seen to be abnormal by others come to the forefront. The general view is that kinky interests, particularly those involving BDSM, are a sign of mental illness, a history of sexual abuse, and bad parenting. For someone who is evaluating their sexual interests and working out where they sit in relation to themselves as individuals and their place in society, these views are very damaging. The reality is that they result in secrecy and isolation for those who find pleasure in kink. It does not take much digging to find these views that pathologize kink in media, the law, medicine, religion, and other institutions. When we pathologize kink, what we are saying is that it is an indication that there is something wrong with the person that requires fixing. Homosexuality and masturbation are historical examples of orientations and human behaviours that have been previously pathologized. Some psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors, and other medical practitioners have seen kinky activities as a problem that needs to be fixed, and in some cases have refused services to people who are unwilling to work on what the practitioners believe is the underlying cause (usually sexual abuse).
The DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5th Edition) recognises most kink interests as disorders only if the person experiences clinically significant distress regarding them. Experienced mental health clinicians need to pull apart whether the distress is because of social stigma and other external pressures on the person who enjoys the activity, or if it is true distress. The reality is that most people who engage in kink practices, despite being fairly well-adjusted individuals, will face a certain amount of distress, stigma, and pathologisation simply because of the way wider society views kink.
What kink-positive therapists and advocates in the sex positive space are working towards is a fundamental shift in how we view and value sex and sexual activities. It involves dismantling a system that has a long history of spreading societal ideals on how sex is supposed to look. We need to embrace alternative practices of erotic expression and understand that they may be more common than we once believed.
Rem Sequence is an Australian adult content creator, blogger, and internationally published alt model. She has a background in psychology, philosophy and political science and worked in health and sex education, youth work and trauma counselling for almost two decades. Now, she works full time in the adult industry, as well as indulging her passion for arts, writing and music in numerous side projects.
In the first piece of this series on the psychology of kink, I talked about how kink can be viewed as an interest, a hobby, a sexual orientation, or an identity. Science has yet to reach a consensus on the nature and development of kink, so there continues to be vigorous discussion on the topic. It has characteristics that overlap with the concepts of leisure or hobbies, but it also overlaps with those of sexual orientation and identity. In this piece, I will talk about kink as an identity, including how such identities develop and what happens when we stigmatize and pathologize kinks and those who practice them.
WHAT IS A KINKY IDENTITY AND HOW DOES IT DEVELOP
As kink is an area with lots of discussion and research from a range of different academic disciplines, it is unsurprising that research psychologists have also dedicated a great deal of energy towards it. Before we continue, it is important to note that there still is no consensus on what is normal, abnormal, or deviant sexual behaviour. These judgements are usually based more so on what is socially and morally accepted, as opposed to what scientific research suggests. A modern sex positive view is that people who practice kink do so as part of their identity. Attraction to certain sexual experiences is part of a complex interplay of cued (things that are instinctively arousing) and uncued (things that appear at a developmentally sensitive period) interests. The uncued interests are interesting in the case of kink, as anything can become an uncued interest if it presents itself in the right circumstance. From research, we know that even if society urges us to participate in a sexual practice during our formative years, this does not necessarily determine adult desires. Our authentic desires and preferences are independent of what we have been taught to favour, and they are very difficult to change, if they can be changed at all. Even if people do not engage in their kinky desires or if they hide them, this does not mean they go away. The pleasure that people find in them is hardwired.
So how does a person who is drawn to kinky sexual practices develop? A Five Stage Model has been suggested by researchers in the field:
- Early encounters – these usually take place before the person reaches the age of 10, and it is where they experience an attraction or fascination with a kink or fetish interest.
- Exploration with self – this usually takes place between the ages of 5 and 14 years.
- Evaluation – between the ages of 11 and 14 years, kinky people evaluate what their interests mean for their identities and lives.
- Finding others – occurs after the age of 11 years.
- Exploration with others – this typically occurs after the age of 18, and for many kinky people, they only really begin to feel kinky and connect with their interests after being engaged in them with another person.
The Five Stage Model, in particular stage 1, reflects other research findings which suggest there are sensitive periods in people’s lives when they are particularly receptive to things in their environment. These periods can also influence learning, sensory, and motor skills, and social skills.
PATHOLOGIZATION OF KINKY INTERESTS
In the Five Stage Model suggested for how kinky people develop their identity in relation to their interests, there is a period of evaluation, where stigma and worry about interests which may be seen to be abnormal by others come to the forefront. The general view is that kinky interests, particularly those involving BDSM, are a sign of mental illness, a history of sexual abuse, and bad parenting. For someone who is evaluating their sexual interests and working out where they sit in relation to themselves as individuals and their place in society, these views are very damaging. The reality is that they result in secrecy and isolation for those who find pleasure in kink. It does not take much digging to find these views that pathologize kink in media, the law, medicine, religion, and other institutions. When we pathologize kink, what we are saying is that it is an indication that there is something wrong with the person that requires fixing. Homosexuality and masturbation are historical examples of orientations and human behaviours that have been previously pathologized. Some psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors, and other medical practitioners have seen kinky activities as a problem that needs to be fixed, and in some cases have refused services to people who are unwilling to work on what the practitioners believe is the underlying cause (usually sexual abuse).
The DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders 5th Edition) recognises most kink interests as disorders only if the person experiences clinically significant distress regarding them. Experienced mental health clinicians need to pull apart whether the distress is because of social stigma and other external pressures on the person who enjoys the activity, or if it is true distress. The reality is that most people who engage in kink practices, despite being fairly well-adjusted individuals, will face a certain amount of distress, stigma, and pathologisation simply because of the way wider society views kink.
What kink-positive therapists and advocates in the sex positive space are working towards is a fundamental shift in how we view and value sex and sexual activities. It involves dismantling a system that has a long history of spreading societal ideals on how sex is supposed to look. We need to embrace alternative practices of erotic expression and understand that they may be more common than we once believed.
Rem Sequence is an Australian adult content creator, blogger, and internationally published alt model. She has a background in psychology, philosophy and political science and worked in health and sex education, youth work and trauma counselling for almost two decades. Now, she works full time in the adult industry, as well as indulging her passion for arts, writing and music in numerous side projects.
