06 Apr Lessons From My First Year In Sex Work
Posted
in Industry Knowledge
I started online sex work in 2018, bang on the dot on January 1st, 2018. Leading up to this official date, I had been talking with lots of sex workers who did different types of work across the globe. I thought I had pretty well worked out what this industry was all about, what I needed to do to succeed, and what I could expect to encounter in this work. I gave myself 6 months to see if this is the work I wanted to do and if I was any good at it. Eight years later, and I am still here, so I think both of those questions were answered in the affirmative! However, as you can imagine, I had a whole load of lessons waiting for me in those first 6 months, leading to my first year in sex work. In a previous piece I did for RedGIFs, I talked about the Ten Golden Rules for Models, which was based on what I have learned since being in this industry, but this piece will be a little more personal and expand on the lessons from that piece. Let’s go…
BOUNDARIES
The concept of boundaries, especially in personal relationships, has become familiar to most people, but for sex workers, it covers a range of different things. Professional boundaries that protect what you do, when, and with whom become extremely important when you do this kind of work. Boundaries can shift when you learn more about what you are comfortable with, what you are not comfortable with, or what can become harmful to you. In my first year of sex work, I learned that I don’t really like working with people, not just because of all the paperwork you need to collect and maintain, but I also felt restricted in the kind of content I wanted to make because of another person’s involvement. Learning to enforce this boundary, and say no when people really want to work with you (or see you work with someone) was a lesson I had to learn.
Part of why upholding this boundary was a difficult lesson to learn is that there is so much pressure to work with others, and a little voice inside my head says, “You will never be successful unless you make content with other people.” (Sidenote: you can absolutely be successful as a solo creator!) This is what makes boundaries tricky: yes, they can be tweaked at times, but you must constantly reflect on why this is a boundary for you, and sometimes cheerlead yourself in maintaining it because it has the greatest net benefit. This can be applied to other boundaries, like not working after a certain time or on certain days. People may pressure you to work when you have said no, and you may feel like you are losing out if you do say no. However, having our own personal time and being off the clock is imperative to our physical and mental health. Therefore, maintaining your boundaries really is about looking after yourself, first and foremost.
INTERACTIONS ARE VALUABLE
The next biggest lesson I learned was that all interactions are valuable. People will literally get off on you messaging them or responding to their comments. Treat all interactions as valuable, and don’t sell yourself short by putting too much energy into people who aren’t reciprocating. I found that certain interactions were more valuable than others, and I learned not to give people what they wanted for free. For example, there are people looking to be humiliated and dominated by beautiful, arrogant women on the internet, and if you fall for their traps, you will unwittingly provide this service for free. Value your time and attention, because others are valuing it, even if you don’t.
IF IT SOUDNS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, IT PROBABLY IS
This is something I learned quickly (lucky I am quite cynical anyway), but if something sounds too good to be true, then it probably is! There is nothing about this industry that is quick or easy, and if someone promises you quick and easy money, it is probably a scam. I have been promised so many things over the years, and in my first year, I got sucked into a few scams because I just didn’t know what they looked like in this space. There are lots of people looking to take advantage of new naive sex workers, and I know this because the amount of nonsense offers I now receive is greatly diminished from my first year. Question always, what is in it for the person offering this to me? There are lots of different ways people can make money by exploiting sex workers and their content. I learned to think creatively about why someone would approach me with a certain offer, and that protected me from a lot of exploitation.
Finally, what I want to say is that the lessons I learned in my first years of sex work (and the years that followed) are not just confined to the work itself. The lessons you learn change the way you approach, evaluate, and respond to situations in your “civilian” life. They seep out into your other interactions with people, what you will or won’t tolerate, and enable you to see through the veil to understand what people really want. You gain insight into what people are thinking, as sex workers are in the unique position of hearing people’s deepest and most hidden desires. I now know about things that go inside people’s heads that I could have never imagined before.
Rem Sequence is an Australian adult content creator, blogger, and internationally published alt model. She has a background in psychology, philosophy and political science and worked in health and sex education, youth work and trauma counselling for almost two decades. Now, she works full time in the adult industry, as well as indulging her passion for arts, writing and music in numerous side projects.
I started online sex work in 2018, bang on the dot on January 1st, 2018. Leading up to this official date, I had been talking with lots of sex workers who did different types of work across the globe. I thought I had pretty well worked out what this industry was all about, what I needed to do to succeed, and what I could expect to encounter in this work. I gave myself 6 months to see if this is the work I wanted to do and if I was any good at it. Eight years later, and I am still here, so I think both of those questions were answered in the affirmative! However, as you can imagine, I had a whole load of lessons waiting for me in those first 6 months, leading to my first year in sex work. In a previous piece I did for RedGIFs, I talked about the Ten Golden Rules for Models, which was based on what I have learned since being in this industry, but this piece will be a little more personal and expand on the lessons from that piece. Let’s go…
BOUNDARIES
The concept of boundaries, especially in personal relationships, has become familiar to most people, but for sex workers, it covers a range of different things. Professional boundaries that protect what you do, when, and with whom become extremely important when you do this kind of work. Boundaries can shift when you learn more about what you are comfortable with, what you are not comfortable with, or what can become harmful to you. In my first year of sex work, I learned that I don’t really like working with people, not just because of all the paperwork you need to collect and maintain, but I also felt restricted in the kind of content I wanted to make because of another person’s involvement. Learning to enforce this boundary, and say no when people really want to work with you (or see you work with someone) was a lesson I had to learn.
Part of why upholding this boundary was a difficult lesson to learn is that there is so much pressure to work with others, and a little voice inside my head says, “You will never be successful unless you make content with other people.” (Sidenote: you can absolutely be successful as a solo creator!) This is what makes boundaries tricky: yes, they can be tweaked at times, but you must constantly reflect on why this is a boundary for you, and sometimes cheerlead yourself in maintaining it because it has the greatest net benefit. This can be applied to other boundaries, like not working after a certain time or on certain days. People may pressure you to work when you have said no, and you may feel like you are losing out if you do say no. However, having our own personal time and being off the clock is imperative to our physical and mental health. Therefore, maintaining your boundaries really is about looking after yourself, first and foremost.
INTERACTIONS ARE VALUABLE
The next biggest lesson I learned was that all interactions are valuable. People will literally get off on you messaging them or responding to their comments. Treat all interactions as valuable, and don’t sell yourself short by putting too much energy into people who aren’t reciprocating. I found that certain interactions were more valuable than others, and I learned not to give people what they wanted for free. For example, there are people looking to be humiliated and dominated by beautiful, arrogant women on the internet, and if you fall for their traps, you will unwittingly provide this service for free. Value your time and attention, because others are valuing it, even if you don’t.
IF IT SOUDNS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE, IT PROBABLY IS
This is something I learned quickly (lucky I am quite cynical anyway), but if something sounds too good to be true, then it probably is! There is nothing about this industry that is quick or easy, and if someone promises you quick and easy money, it is probably a scam. I have been promised so many things over the years, and in my first year, I got sucked into a few scams because I just didn’t know what they looked like in this space. There are lots of people looking to take advantage of new naive sex workers, and I know this because the amount of nonsense offers I now receive is greatly diminished from my first year. Question always, what is in it for the person offering this to me? There are lots of different ways people can make money by exploiting sex workers and their content. I learned to think creatively about why someone would approach me with a certain offer, and that protected me from a lot of exploitation.
Finally, what I want to say is that the lessons I learned in my first years of sex work (and the years that followed) are not just confined to the work itself. The lessons you learn change the way you approach, evaluate, and respond to situations in your “civilian” life. They seep out into your other interactions with people, what you will or won’t tolerate, and enable you to see through the veil to understand what people really want. You gain insight into what people are thinking, as sex workers are in the unique position of hearing people’s deepest and most hidden desires. I now know about things that go inside people’s heads that I could have never imagined before.
Rem Sequence is an Australian adult content creator, blogger, and internationally published alt model. She has a background in psychology, philosophy and political science and worked in health and sex education, youth work and trauma counselling for almost two decades. Now, she works full time in the adult industry, as well as indulging her passion for arts, writing and music in numerous side projects.
