22 Apr Mastering Boldness: Embrace your inner strength
Posted
in Industry Knowledge
Speaking your mind can be a scary thing for a lot of people. This is true for more than just talking with your members. At home, at work, live on cam, you name it! Many people have been ridiculed in their lives simply for having their own opinions and thoughts. Quite honestly, we all know people who like to make others feel bad for having their own feelings (I know. How dare us, right?) The simple truth of it all is that this can cause a lot of people to become more shy and result in them being a little bit of a doormat.
Conversely, this can result in people feeling like they are being yelled at just because someone doesn’t add an “Lol” at the end of a text, or if they are just making a general statement. The amount of over-sensitivity to what people say is only increasing in the digital era because, let’s face it, reading emotion on a screen is not something we are all professionals at. Attempting to do this also creates a lot of extra “What-if'” situations in your mind that may not even be close to what is happening.
I struggled with this for many years. I thought that just because someone didn’t want to hang out meant that they were mad at me, that if I didn’t get the answer I wanted, it was because the other person was being combative, and the list goes on. If you have ever felt like this in your life for no other reason than the statement did not come with a silly twist to lighten the mood, then you are in the same boat I was. This obviously is not the case with every single interaction you have with people, but being able to recognize that someone is simply making a statement rather than being mean to you or hiding something is what you need to figure out. This will make your life a lot easier and much more stress-free. The constant feeling that people are mad at you can become very overwhelming. If this continues long enough, you become a people-pleasing, yes-man pushover who will never feel fulfilled with their relationships because you don’t think you are doing enough. Of course, many things can cause this, and just because you are a nice person doesn’t mean you have the chronic need to be liked and to give everyone everything all the time. The trick is to maintain that kindness to others but still have the confidence to say what you mean and mean what you say. This is true also for other people’s responses. When I was younger, I knew very few people who would simply say no to things they didn’t want.
"THE TRICK IS TO MAINTAIN THAT KINDNESS TO OTHERS BUT STILL HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY."
Many people would try to come up with an excuse or an “out” rather than simply just saying they did not want to pick up that extra shift, go to a party and so on. On the opposite end, I have known many people (I used to be one of them) who with a simple answer of “No, actually XYZ is the procedure here, and I do not think we should fix the issue in the manner of which you are speaking” would immediately resort to “Sad puppy” state because they felt that they had failed or gotten in trouble. The truth is, sometimes people don’t want to hang out! Sometimes, how you have handled something at work could be more efficient. Add any real-life experience you would like to this list. It is so important to remember that just because someone is making a general statement to you, it doesn’t mean that it is a combative or anger-fueled answer. The individual is simply trying to communicate their feelings. Just because I don’t add a “lol” to the end of my text to show you that I am not mad does not mean that I am, in fact, mad at you.
On the opposite end, if you give the general laughter-less statement simply trying to convey a message, you may find that some people can seem offended. This is not something you need to deal with. Many people will feel they need to explain their statement further to show that they are not sending a negative vibe. In some instances, this can be useful, but generally speaking, and in all brutal honesty, if I have to explain to you that I am saying, “No, thank you. I have taken care of the issue you brought up earlier.” at work does not secretly translate to “I fixed the thing you messed up, you suck at your job!” I am a kind person. In my mind, what I am saying is simply information the person on the other end needs. Suppose the person on the other end constantly fears my responses. In that case, I will attempt to show that person some extra kindness over time. However, I can still over-explain myself when it comes to conveying information. With age and experience, I have learned that more often than not, anyone who is going to feel intimidated by a simple answer to a question that isn’t wrapped in butterflies and rainbows is either not prepared for the task at hand or will over time learn to understand that a general statement is literally just that. This is a learning curve for many people on both sides. I stopped worrying about what people would think of me if I expressed myself boldly but kindly and stopped trying to cater to every single other individual’s personal brand of being spoken to. This is not to say that I am rude to or uncaring about others. I simply tell the truth in situations big and small. It is safe to say that in the workplace and otherwise (even in your cam room), you will not get along swimmingly with every person you encounter. You, yourself, don’t even like everyone you know, right? At the end of the day, if you have something to say that does not require a tension lightener, don’t feel the need to use one. State your message confidently, listen to the response and do not feel bad if you are declining a night out or even a show simply because you don’t want to go. The amount of respect I have for those who can speak their mind kindly, with no need to fluff up their statement, is endless. This is something that can benefit you in many aspects of your life.
All this being said, you may find yourself saying, “This all seems a little bold, rude and overconfident” while reading this article. The fact of the matter is that it is a little bold. Being bold when maintaining respect and kindness is not a bad thing. Being bold and stating your business more professionally is not rude. If the information you are trying to convey needs to be said, say it! This includes saying no to people, correcting someone professionally and so on. Are there people who take this too far and think they can do no wrong? Of course. However, maintaining kindness and respect towards others while still being able to handle a frank conversation is a skill I believe more people should invest some time in. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Your opinions matter, your knowledge matters and learn as you go. Don’t be afraid to be wrong.
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Speaking your mind can be a scary thing for a lot of people. This is true for more than just talking with your members. At home, at work, live on cam, you name it! Many people have been ridiculed in their lives simply for having their own opinions and thoughts. Quite honestly, we all know people who like to make others feel bad for having their own feelings (I know. How dare us, right?) The simple truth of it all is that this can cause a lot of people to become more shy and result in them being a little bit of a doormat.
Conversely, this can result in people feeling like they are being yelled at just because someone doesn’t add an “Lol” at the end of a text, or if they are just making a general statement. The amount of over-sensitivity to what people say is only increasing in the digital era because, let’s face it, reading emotion on a screen is not something we are all professionals at. Attempting to do this also creates a lot of extra “What-if'” situations in your mind that may not even be close to what is happening.
I struggled with this for many years. I thought that just because someone didn’t want to hang out meant that they were mad at me, that if I didn’t get the answer I wanted, it was because the other person was being combative, and the list goes on. If you have ever felt like this in your life for no other reason than the statement did not come with a silly twist to lighten the mood, then you are in the same boat I was. This obviously is not the case with every single interaction you have with people, but being able to recognize that someone is simply making a statement rather than being mean to you or hiding something is what you need to figure out. This will make your life a lot easier and much more stress-free. The constant feeling that people are mad at you can become very overwhelming. If this continues long enough, you become a people-pleasing, yes-man pushover who will never feel fulfilled with their relationships because you don’t think you are doing enough. Of course, many things can cause this, and just because you are a nice person doesn’t mean you have the chronic need to be liked and to give everyone everything all the time. The trick is to maintain that kindness to others but still have the confidence to say what you mean and mean what you say. This is true also for other people’s responses. When I was younger, I knew very few people who would simply say no to things they didn’t want.
"THE TRICK IS TO MAINTAIN THAT KINDNESS TO OTHERS BUT STILL HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY."
Many people would try to come up with an excuse or an “out” rather than simply just saying they did not want to pick up that extra shift, go to a party and so on. On the opposite end, I have known many people (I used to be one of them) who with a simple answer of “No, actually XYZ is the procedure here, and I do not think we should fix the issue in the manner of which you are speaking” would immediately resort to “Sad puppy” state because they felt that they had failed or gotten in trouble. The truth is, sometimes people don’t want to hang out! Sometimes, how you have handled something at work could be more efficient. Add any real-life experience you would like to this list. It is so important to remember that just because someone is making a general statement to you, it doesn’t mean that it is a combative or anger-fueled answer. The individual is simply trying to communicate their feelings. Just because I don’t add a “lol” to the end of my text to show you that I am not mad does not mean that I am, in fact, mad at you.
On the opposite end, if you give the general laughter-less statement simply trying to convey a message, you may find that some people can seem offended. This is not something you need to deal with. Many people will feel they need to explain their statement further to show that they are not sending a negative vibe. In some instances, this can be useful, but generally speaking, and in all brutal honesty, if I have to explain to you that I am saying, “No, thank you. I have taken care of the issue you brought up earlier.” at work does not secretly translate to “I fixed the thing you messed up, you suck at your job!” I am a kind person. In my mind, what I am saying is simply information the person on the other end needs. Suppose the person on the other end constantly fears my responses. In that case, I will attempt to show that person some extra kindness over time. However, I can still over-explain myself when it comes to conveying information. With age and experience, I have learned that more often than not, anyone who is going to feel intimidated by a simple answer to a question that isn’t wrapped in butterflies and rainbows is either not prepared for the task at hand or will over time learn to understand that a general statement is literally just that. This is a learning curve for many people on both sides. I stopped worrying about what people would think of me if I expressed myself boldly but kindly and stopped trying to cater to every single other individual’s personal brand of being spoken to. This is not to say that I am rude to or uncaring about others. I simply tell the truth in situations big and small. It is safe to say that in the workplace and otherwise (even in your cam room), you will not get along swimmingly with every person you encounter. You, yourself, don’t even like everyone you know, right? At the end of the day, if you have something to say that does not require a tension lightener, don’t feel the need to use one. State your message confidently, listen to the response and do not feel bad if you are declining a night out or even a show simply because you don’t want to go. The amount of respect I have for those who can speak their mind kindly, with no need to fluff up their statement, is endless. This is something that can benefit you in many aspects of your life.
All this being said, you may find yourself saying, “This all seems a little bold, rude and overconfident” while reading this article. The fact of the matter is that it is a little bold. Being bold when maintaining respect and kindness is not a bad thing. Being bold and stating your business more professionally is not rude. If the information you are trying to convey needs to be said, say it! This includes saying no to people, correcting someone professionally and so on. Are there people who take this too far and think they can do no wrong? Of course. However, maintaining kindness and respect towards others while still being able to handle a frank conversation is a skill I believe more people should invest some time in. Say what you mean, and mean what you say. Your opinions matter, your knowledge matters and learn as you go. Don’t be afraid to be wrong.
